The Aragon Cloutlook

  Internet sensations Sal Khan and brothers of Crash Course Hank and John Green will be joining the Aragon faculty in the 2021-2022 school year. Khan will serve as head of the math department, Hank Green as science department and John Green as both English and history departments.  “I’m pretty indifferent about the new department heads,” said Jack Pott. “It won’t really be that much of a change as they’ve pretty much been my teachers the entire semester. I’m just excited to ask Sal Khan to give me some more energy points so that I can earn the next avatar.” Throughout distance learning, many students have become reliant on YouTube videos and education websites in order to learn and study. “If it wasn’t for John Green’s videos, I would have had to rely on my knowledge of the hit musical ‘Hamilton’ to pass my American Revolution test,” said junior Jorge Washington. “The only reason I passed my final is because I rewatched his entire U.S. history playlist on YouTube.” Instruction...

College Board has been criticized for years regarding equality in testing fees and accommodations, particularly during last year’s online Advanced Placement tests. As a result, College Board has decided to eliminate fee waivers to place everyone on an equal “paying” field. Upper-class parents have complained about how unfair fee waivers are as they discriminate against the rich. College Board, as a not-for-profit organization, relies on test fees and extraneous services for profit to benefit their students. Opponents of fee waivers cite that revenue is necessary for the organization to provide valuable resources to students in preparation for the test. “I am disgusted by those who use fee waivers,” said aspiring millionaire Orville Tootenbacher. “College Board is an honest organization that needs money to support our students. I really don’t understand the purpose of the waivers — just pay the fee!?” In past years, College Board has used their extra money to inflate the wages of senior...

To help students better adapt to in-person learning, the Aragon administration has adopted a new remote learning policy for students in Cohort C. Drawing inspiration from the student-made Minecraft server replicating campus, the school opted to host classes on the server to provide an immersive environment for students. Teachers utilized the asynchronous days from March 24 to 26 to create Minecraft accounts, watch hours of Technoblade streams on Twitch and build their classrooms. The district also allocated funds towards gaming chairs, noise cancellation cat ear headsets and RGB keyboards to accommodate teachers. “It’s a more hip and chic approach to teaching that I’m not too familiar with, but I didn’t get my teaching certificate at Stanford for nothing,” said history teacher Jimothy Kennedy. “I really look forward to mingling with the students in this new way.” In addition, some teachers have migrated from Zoom to popular streaming platform Twitch to fully embrace the experience of b...

 Dons were outraged upon hearing of the district’s use of Bark, a service that tracks students’ digital footprint in the name of safety. Dissidents believe its use infringes on student privacy and oversteps district authority. Because students were not given the opportunity to discuss the program’s implementation, some have taken countermeasures against school staff in protest. A small group of Aragon students united to create Arf, a Bark competitor that monitors the online presence of San Mateo Union High School District teachers and administrators.  “Digital safety is critically important to our district, which is why we are now using Arf to help us protect our teachers both online and in real life,” said sophomore Holy Moly, head developer of Arf. The Arf developers started piloting their program in late February.  “The teachers implicitly consented to its use in their contracts at the beginning of the year, so we figured that there wasn’t a real need to announce we we...

     Over the past year, many students began trading stocks and cryptocurrencies and making tendies. Aragon student Mot Le Foole, who had much more free time after not paying attention in government class, began trading stocks regularly and was successful.   “My first trade was after I saw Hertz file for bankruptcy,” Le Foole said. “I immediately asked my parents for money to buy the stock but because they delayed a few hours, I only made 300% profit. Fortunately, I paper handed GameStop to make 800% returns, which is decent. Because of my world-class investing philosophy, I was admitted to Harvard, and I can afford two whole textbooks with my gains.” Executives of the California State Teachers’ Retirement System (CALSTRS) pension noticed students like Le Foole earning these large gains, so after analyzing their previous returns and realizing that their pension not only did worse than students but also the S&P 500 stock market index, CALSTRS hired recent gap ye...

Since Aragon went remote last March, administrators have organized several contactless drive-thrus for Aragon students to pick up materials they need for class such as lab equipment, textbooks or three pieces of candy in a Ziploc bag — if you’re a lucky senior. “It just didn’t feel intimate enough,” said senior Lone Lee. “I got some cheap Aragon merch, and no one asked me how my spring break was or what my plans for next year are. I guess that I just don’t really believe that this school cares about me.” After AP Psychology students learned about Harlow’s contact comfort theory in class, which asserts that physical contact with other people is important for emotional development, they petitioned the administration to switch from their contactless method. Contact Comfort Drive-thrus began several weeks ago as teachers returned to campus.  Students who choose to participate in the Contact Comfort Drive-Thru will arrive on campus after promising they have no COVID-19 symptoms to an ap...

JOE KING AND COURTESY OF @THEDAILYBERT ON INSTAGRAM Aries (March 21 - April 20 ) —  Ms. Katcher If you're an Aries like Katcher you are the grandma friend in your friend group. Your friends like to joke about how naggy you are, but know it is in their best interest. You are also perceived as being very wise and invested in your work, resulting in you easily losing track of time. A Katcher Aries likes things very organized and loves to bring out the talent in others. You may also have a doll obsession, but don’t worry, we don’t judge. Your Lucky Color: Yellow, but with a slight tint of green that you can only notice if you look close enough. Recommended career: Teacher Taurus (April 20 - May 20) —  Mr. Jacobs, Mr. Moretti If you’re a Taurus like Mr. Jacobs, you will find that many seek you out for the advice you can bring to them, like how to get out of student debt. You may find that you are quick to anger, but also quick to forgiveness due to your practical and realistic pe...