The Aragon Cloutlook

  Internet sensations Sal Khan and brothers of Crash Course Hank and John Green will be joining the Aragon faculty in the 2021-2022 school year. Khan will serve as head of the math department, Hank Green as science department and John Green as both English and history departments.  “I’m pretty indifferent about the new department heads,” said Jack Pott. “It won’t really be that much of a change as they’ve pretty much been my teachers the entire semester. I’m just excited to ask Sal Khan to give me some more energy points so that I can earn the next avatar.” Throughout distance learning, many students have become reliant on YouTube videos and education websites in order to learn and study. “If it wasn’t for John Green’s videos, I would have had to rely on my knowledge of the hit musical ‘Hamilton’ to pass my American Revolution test,” said junior Jorge Washington. “The only reason I passed my final is because I rewatched his entire U.S. history playlist on YouTube.” Instruction...

College Board has been criticized for years regarding equality in testing fees and accommodations, particularly during last year’s online Advanced Placement tests. As a result, College Board has decided to eliminate fee waivers to place everyone on an equal “paying” field. Upper-class parents have complained about how unfair fee waivers are as they discriminate against the rich. College Board, as a not-for-profit organization, relies on test fees and extraneous services for profit to benefit their students. Opponents of fee waivers cite that revenue is necessary for the organization to provide valuable resources to students in preparation for the test. “I am disgusted by those who use fee waivers,” said aspiring millionaire Orville Tootenbacher. “College Board is an honest organization that needs money to support our students. I really don’t understand the purpose of the waivers — just pay the fee!?” In past years, College Board has used their extra money to inflate the wages of senior...

To help students better adapt to in-person learning, the Aragon administration has adopted a new remote learning policy for students in Cohort C. Drawing inspiration from the student-made Minecraft server replicating campus, the school opted to host classes on the server to provide an immersive environment for students. Teachers utilized the asynchronous days from March 24 to 26 to create Minecraft accounts, watch hours of Technoblade streams on Twitch and build their classrooms. The district also allocated funds towards gaming chairs, noise cancellation cat ear headsets and RGB keyboards to accommodate teachers. “It’s a more hip and chic approach to teaching that I’m not too familiar with, but I didn’t get my teaching certificate at Stanford for nothing,” said history teacher Jimothy Kennedy. “I really look forward to mingling with the students in this new way.” In addition, some teachers have migrated from Zoom to popular streaming platform Twitch to fully embrace the experience of b...

Throughout the pandemic, Aragon students have reported high levels of stress due to the complications of online school and a lack of social interaction. To remedy this, students Stray Tays and Cahm Psy created the application Soothe, which contains hundreds of validating voice recordings from Aragon staff members for students to listen to, curated to their needs. “Every night I lie in bed and listen to Ms. Thurtle tell me that she thinks my essayis ‘insightful’ while staring at my ceiling,” said freshman Gru Stick. “It’s really the only way I can feel calm enough to sleep anymore.” Since its release on April 1, the app has been downloaded over a thousand times. Popular sounds include “You’re a pleasure to have in class," “I’m going to miss you so much next year” and “Thank you for your lovely comments during the Socratic!” Students often find these recordings comforting or meditative in nature. “When I found out I got rejected from every college I applied to, I immediately turned ...

     Along with virus-laden aerosols and pollen, love is also spreading through the air and infecting those in its path. Unlike how the coronavirus has vaccines and masks, and allergies have Allegra D, Claritin and other medications, love has no mitigators. According to Love Overrides Virtually Everything, a nonprofit based in Switzerland, opinions on how couples should cope with the coronavirus vary. Nearly 93% of couples in America have seen their significant other since the beginning of the pandemic. However, only 2% of pandemic pairs have lasted. “While having someone to hookup with was nice during shelter-in-place orders, I was kind of glad we broke up,” said Brittiny Botch. “Hot Girl Summer is coming up.”  Couples that are still together have gone through a lot over the past year; some even contracted the coronavirus together. “I heard that the coronavirus can spread through the 5G, so we write letters to each other” “When we both found out we had the rona two ...

Since Aragon went remote last March, administrators have organized several contactless drive-thrus for Aragon students to pick up materials they need for class such as lab equipment, textbooks or three pieces of candy in a Ziploc bag — if you’re a lucky senior. “It just didn’t feel intimate enough,” said senior Lone Lee. “I got some cheap Aragon merch, and no one asked me how my spring break was or what my plans for next year are. I guess that I just don’t really believe that this school cares about me.” After AP Psychology students learned about Harlow’s contact comfort theory in class, which asserts that physical contact with other people is important for emotional development, they petitioned the administration to switch from their contactless method. Contact Comfort Drive-thrus began several weeks ago as teachers returned to campus.  Students who choose to participate in the Contact Comfort Drive-Thru will arrive on campus after promising they have no COVID-19 symptoms to an ap...

It’s 8:50 a.m., 10 minutes before first period starts. In front of you is a bowl, a colorful box of Lucky Charms cereal and a large carton of Horizon Organic milk.  Lucky the Leprechaun stares at you with unblinking eyes, urging you to reach out to him first.  “Pick me first,” he seems to beckon.  But next to him on the milk carton is the Horizon Organic milk cow, its own black beady prying eyes peering into your soul, begging to be poured first.  “No, pick me,” the cow urges.  Milk first? Cereal first? Only having 10 minutes to decide and eat breakfast is not enough. What do you do? The timeless moral dilemma of which to pour first into your bowl, milk first or cereal first, is a controversial issue spanning only a couple of years. According to Factual And Knowledgeably Empathetic News (FAKE News), one out of two doctors surveyed stated that in fact people that put milk before cereal are scientifically proven to be smarter and more attractive than their cereal ...

Online schooling and the coronavirus pandemic have led to increased stress for students at Aragon. While some students may be returning to campus, for the nearly 60% staying at home, the pressures of college decisions, Advanced Placement tests and finals will remain an obstacle.  Recognizing that keeping the same standards of normal in-person curriculum for online classes, the district has urged teachers to practice “compassionate grading” this school year.  A trend has emerged from the teachers in response to this instruction; now, teachers are beginning to practice compassionate grading by screensharing smiley stickers and happy faces while screen sharing students’ test grades.  “When I picture ‘compassionate grading,’ I think of a kindergarten teacher,” said teacher Cloo Less. “Because aren’t kindergarten teachers the epitome of needing to have patience and compassion? And what do kindergarten teachers do on student tests and homework? Smiley stickers!” A few teachers ...

JOE KING AND COURTESY OF @THEDAILYBERT ON INSTAGRAM Aries (March 21 - April 20 ) —  Ms. Katcher If you're an Aries like Katcher you are the grandma friend in your friend group. Your friends like to joke about how naggy you are, but know it is in their best interest. You are also perceived as being very wise and invested in your work, resulting in you easily losing track of time. A Katcher Aries likes things very organized and loves to bring out the talent in others. You may also have a doll obsession, but don’t worry, we don’t judge. Your Lucky Color: Yellow, but with a slight tint of green that you can only notice if you look close enough. Recommended career: Teacher Taurus (April 20 - May 20) —  Mr. Jacobs, Mr. Moretti If you’re a Taurus like Mr. Jacobs, you will find that many seek you out for the advice you can bring to them, like how to get out of student debt. You may find that you are quick to anger, but also quick to forgiveness due to your practical and realistic pe...