Arf improves student safety
Dons were outraged upon hearing of the district’s use of Bark, a service that tracks students’ digital footprint in the name of safety. Dissidents believe its use infringes on student privacy and oversteps district authority. Because students were not given the opportunity to discuss the program’s implementation, some have taken countermeasures against school staff in protest. A small group of Aragon students united to create Arf, a Bark competitor that monitors the online presence of San Mateo Union High School District teachers and administrators.
“Digital safety is critically important to our district, which is why we are now using Arf to help us protect our teachers both online and in real life,” said sophomore Holy Moly, head developer of Arf.
The Arf developers started piloting their program in late February.
“The teachers implicitly consented to its use in their contracts at the beginning of the year, so we figured that there wasn’t a real need to announce we were using it,” said supersenior Dee Lish, a public relations consultant for Arf. “I mean, we did send a districtwide email that mentioned Arf in the footnote.”
The pilot has been very effective. As of March 21, Arf has caught 42 teachers using prerecorded lessons on YouTube from Khan Academy and The Organic Chemistry Tutor as a substitute for teaching their own classes.
“It’s really upsetting to me,” said math teacher Leo Euler. “With all this pesky monitoring, it’s like I have to do my job at this point.”
A whopping 73 teachers were reported to have been watching pornographic content during class.
“Teaching disengaged students is so forking boring. By playing videos from CornHub in another tab, I can at least savor the ‘forking’ part,” said anatomy teacher Bea Loved.
Superintendent Kelbin Smelly felt unwell after hearing about the launch of the student-led program. In response, he has enlisted his tech henchmen to suppress Arf with love and consideration.
“You either scrap this project or we make you disappear. Anyway, on we go with lightness and optimism about the future!”
“We can do this the easy way or the hard way,” Smelly said. “You either scrap this project or we make you disappear. Anyway, on we go with lightness and optimism about the future!”
Smelly’s cybersecurity professionals have attempted to perform a DDoS attack against Arf servers on multiple occasions with little success.
“Monitoring us is not only illegal but also immoral,” Smelly said. “Those brats have no right to stick their noses in our business. But don’t put that in. That’s off the record.”
When surveyed, only two teachers in the entire district were found to endorse Arf. Self-proclaimed megalomaniac and surveillance enthusiast Scott Silton is among them.
“I wholeheartedly support all kinds of monitoring programs,” Silton said. “I would love to have a worldwide, digital panopticon in place!”
Silton believes Arf is a step in the right direction.
“In order to create a more tractable population, adults shouldn’t have any expectation of privacy,” Silton said. “We need everything out in the open. After all, if you aren’t doing anything wrong, there isn’t anything to be afraid of.”
The identity of the second teacher in support of the program has yet to be determined.
Aragon’s furry community, in spite of its small size, has been very vocal about its support of the program.
“We think it’s grrr-eat, for obvious reasons,” said sophomore furry fanatic Kitty Paws.
The development team intends to dismantle Bark with or without district consent and continue the use of Arf during the 2021-2022 school year. In contrast to Bark, many believe Arf is a successful support program where the benefits of its implementation outweigh loss of privacy. Districtwide, students report a greater quality of education.
“I actually feel connected to my teachers. I’m learning now, and I don’t play Valorant in another window during sixth period anymore,” said freshman Kenneth Kaniff. “I have hope for the future.”
