Cereal or milk first: Are you sure your cereal is really bussin’?

By one ¢ent -



It’s 8:50 a.m., 10 minutes before first period starts. In front of you is a bowl, a colorful box of Lucky Charms cereal and a large carton of Horizon Organic milk. 


Lucky the Leprechaun stares at you with unblinking eyes, urging you to reach out to him first. 


“Pick me first,” he seems to beckon. 


But next to him on the milk carton is the Horizon Organic milk cow, its own black beady prying eyes peering into your soul, begging to be poured first. 


“No, pick me,” the cow urges. 


Milk first? Cereal first? Only having 10 minutes to decide and eat breakfast is not enough. What do you do?


The timeless moral dilemma of which to pour first into your bowl, milk first or cereal first, is a controversial issue spanning only a couple of years.


According to Factual And Knowledgeably Empathetic News (FAKE News), one out of two doctors surveyed stated that in fact people that put milk before cereal are scientifically proven to be smarter and more attractive than their cereal first counterparts. Moreover, all cows interviewed confirmed their opinions that putting milk in first will be more respectful and politically correct. However, other credible sources such as K-pop boy band member Taehyun from TXT argue that cereal first allows it to not float on top of the milk. 


With both these credible and notable sources, it can be increasing convoluted to decide which is the better choice. So in the end, what is truly the best order? 


Junior Cereal Killer is an avid cereal first advocate.


“Obviously cereal before milk makes sense, right?” Killer said. “I mean pouring milk first will splash you when you pour in your cereal second after all.”


Killer vividly remembers a time when they tried pouring milk first instead of cereal first.


“It felt so wrong,” Killer said. “Sacrilegious almost. I felt as if I disappointed the predecessors of cereal first before me. A part of me definitely died that day.”


Taking a look at an official San Mateo Union High School District poll of cereal or milk first, a large majority opt in for pouring their cereal before milk at a staggering 76%.


Despite milk first being a minority, milk first organizations have become a large part of Aragon’s community.


The leader of the Students Against Cereal First club urges students to view milk first as a more viable and better option.


“No, no, milk first definitely,” said sophomore Tru Moo. “Milk first ensures your cereal stays crunchy. It just makes more sense! Anyone who pours cereal first is sick and needs to realize that cereal first is a moral issue that they need to get fixed.”


"Milk first ensures your cereal stays crunchy. It just makes more sense!"

Other students who feel the need to be different and quirky want to boast about how they aren’t like the other plebeians.


“For me, I don’t even eat my cereal with milk that much,” said freshman Hu Kares. “I just like eating dry cereal. But when I do want milk with my cereal I put my milk in the cereal box and then shake it up. And I don’t even use cow’s milk. I use oat milk only.”


With this argument running at an all time high, tensions have become so extreme that factions have begun to form at Aragon and have taken over the school’s almost non-existent culture. Four main houses consist of Milkerin, Cereal-dor, Iamallergiclaw and WhoCaresEnouff.


With this new faction system freshmen are selected in one of these four houses through a special sorting process. According to the new head of the four houses system, students are unable to change houses after being sorted.


Many students welcomed this change and have begun to center all their arguments and personality traits after their assigned house. A Breakfast Hunger Games Rally is currently being proposed where one member of each faction competes against each other to win. 


Many students are looking forward to these games, but this sentiment is not shared amongst the whole student body.


“I think we have taken this too far,” said WhoCaresEnouff member Ri Sonable. “I mean, who really cares? Now the school is like a cheap dystopian YA knockoff novel. And now the school and this article have become kinda convoluted.” 

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