Severe senioritis strain ravages
Between the cancellation of senior rituals, college decisions and online classes, senioritis symptom severity and rate of infection have worsened dramatically nationwide. Due to the unprecedented intensity of this year’s strain, the Biden administration has partnered with AstraZeneca to produce and distribute a senioritis vaccine. “The Harris administration is doing everything it can to ensure a vaccine is distributed to each and every senior in America,” President Joe Biden read from his teleprompter on Tuesday. But considering the toll SENIOR-CoV-21 has already had on the class of 2021, many feel the vaccine is too little too late. “Even if I received the vaccine earlier, maintaining my productivity by staving off the virus would mean nothing to me,” said senior Big Sad, who contracted senioritis in the fall and hasn’t attended class since October. “I missed out on everything there is to look forward to at the end of high school anyway. And now, I’m graduating. Probably virtually.”